I miss what could have been – moments of fun, shared enjoyment of simple experiences – with my mother who recently passed. It took us MY lifetime of growing, and her growing, to figure out how to be with each other without falling into pits of pain-traps. We reached the cleanest level of energy between us, with the channel of love fully open, unclogged, last October. She passed mid-March.
This study done by Harvard says it so well. Here is an excerpt:
According to George Vaillant, the Harvard psychiatrist who directed the study from 1972 to 2004, there are two foundational elements to this: “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”
My mother thought her highly-sensitive daughter (I) needed to toughen up, as she herself had done in response to her truly hard early life circumstances. If her truth, as she saw(feared) it, was the circumstance against which I had to learn to toughen up, so be it.
That created distance, emotionally and physically, when I was a child – and as an adult. I moved close to a thousand miles away.
Yet, she did plant enough seeds and tilled the soil enough in ways that let us find our way back to each other. And given her refusal to seek help for herself at any point, it had to be what it was. I mourn that alternate, more joy filled path.
I worked decades to hone the skills on my side of the relationship, to make it possible for love-flow to exist, whatever the content of the interaction. With my mother’s passing, I realize that my wanting that for children and their parents is likely the seed from which my offerings to you are born.
I hope you enjoy this offering – the full article is an energizing, inspiring, actionable read.
Wishing you love and access to it, whatever the challenges and joys you are living.
